Interesting

The last few weeks have been very interesting.  Extremely hard, but a huge learning opportunity. 

My heart was opened and I fully realized the love I have for an amazing man.  I knew I loved him and wanted to be with him, but I thought if it isn't right to be together, which I thought, then he should be with someone else.  I was so wrong.

I fasted and prayed a week and a half ago and said, I want to be with him and I want him to want to be with me.  I prayed to know if he was right for me.  I felt good.  When I was in church I prayed and asked again, and the joy I felt was almost overwhelming.  I couldn't believe how I felt.  It was so amazing.  I didn't trust myself though.  I met with the bishop and asked him about everything.  As soon as the prayer was over he said, I have this impression to tell you that you will be alright.  I was glad, but as he also stated, he didn't know what that meant as far as how things would turn out. 

During the week I went down and saw the most amazing guy for his lunch break.  I thought I would be there for half hour is all.  I ended up being there for almost 2 1/2 hours.  We talked and laughed.  I even followed him around at work.  It was amazing.  Just being with him was beyond great.  He gave me a hug that lasted.  I didn't want it to end.  Talking to him makes me smile.

As I reluctantly drove home, I prayed out loud the whole way.  Sharing my gratitude.  I even cried for the first time from pure joy and happiness.  I couldn't believe that.  After I got home we went on voxer for an hour and a half.  At one point he said he was glad I felt comfortable with him and could cry in front of him.  He said he liked to wipe away my tears.  My heart went even further in love with this man. 

Today he wasn't really talkative, via texting.  I asked if he was ok.  He said he was tired.  I wanted to make a bed for him and stroke his head as he fell asleep.  Put my arms around him so he knows how much he is loved.  

Right now I am trying so hard to have patience, faith, and hope.  I know things will work out.  I just don't know what that means.  I want so much to be the one that wipes his tears and holds him when he is sad and having a rough time.  I want to be there and put that amazing smile on his face.  Share all the amazing times together.  I want to hold him as he falls asleep. 

I have never felt so helpless and vulnerable as I do now.  Right now the only things I can do is pray (real hard), fast, be patient, have faith, and hope. 

I know he is the man for me and I know he has felt I am the woman for him.  I love him so much my heart breaks more and more the longer we are apart.