Very long time since I post last. It has been quite a year. I decided that I needed to get my life back on track. I went through the process and got my temple recommend back. Got it at the first part of January 2010. I am glad, but I am still working on forgiving myself and allowing the spirit into my life on a daily basis. It was not as easy to go back to the temple as I had thought. I was thinking I would have this over whelming feeling of peace and calm. I didn't. I did a couple of times, but not very much. Most of it was a fight within myself. It is so hard to change.

I was finally in a relationship. We were dating for about 4 months. I loved it. It just wasn't right to be more than just friends. I know my family is very glad about it not working out. That was the hardest thing. I was in my first relationship and they were not even a little happy for me. Oh well. I know why and there is nothing I can do to change his past or their thoughts. Me and him are still friends. I know people don't see it that way, but I don't know how else to tell people that we are friends only, than just to say it.

I have felt like a huge failure and disappointment this past year and a half. I know people care about me. I just want to learn things in life for myself. Not everything. I know we have to learn from the past, but some things I want to experience. I'm not sure why people don't want me to be able to but oh well. I know people don't trust my judgment, but I have good judgment. I have just chosen to ignore it. There is a difference.

I have been pulling away from people lately. I guess I just want to live my life and make my own choices without worrying about if other people agree with my choices or not. I know one group thinks it's due to the other person and the other person thinks I'm pulling away because of the group. The funny thing is, I am pulling away from both. Of course they don't believe that. I guess one of these days they will realize that I'm not a liar. If I was a liar, then there wouldn't be all the drama. I wouldn't have said anything to anyone about the past.

I am at a point where I NEED a vacation. It isn't a want. I really think that if I don't get away from almost everyone, then I will literally go insane. Hard part is I can't afford to go anywhere. I am hoping with a tax refund I can go somewhere inexpensive. I am trying to find an inexpensive cruise. Although the cheap ones are still, with flight, over $400. Oh well. I guess sanity is worth it.

I am going to get healthy. I am coming up with something that will help me reach that goal. I am going to go to the gym with a friend after work. I then will come home and if I don't have plans, I will walk on my treadmill instead of just sitting and watching t.v. I will walk and watch t.v.

Well, that is it for now.